My Wife Part 2 Episode 9


FUNMI: house! Is anyone home?

NKECHI: who is it??? I’m coming! (Opens the door)
why are you here?? What do you want??? I thought you were asked to disappear never to come back!

FUNMI: kechi, good morning?

NKECHI: morning! The name is NKechi!

FUNMI: I learnt you are unwell, are you feeling any better?

NKECHI: oh! So you came to see if your juju worked on me??? No! It didn’t! The God of this family is strong and mighty, your juju is powerless!!!

FUNMI: hahaha! You are funny, Nkechi. Anyways, where is Ebuka??

NKECHI: why are you looking for him? He doesn’t want to have anything to do with you!

FUNMI: I am well aware of that and I am not here to have anything to do with him! So just be an adult for a minute and answer my question!

NKECHI: if you don’t leave this house now, I will unleash the dog on you!

FUNMI: Again, you are acting your shoe size instead of your age! Which dog are we talking about here? The dog I raised as a puppy??? Hahaha!

NKECHI: (starts calling the dog) Jackie! Jackie!
(The dog ran out and immediately he saw Funmi, he fell into her arms and was all over her. Barking In excitement as he jumps up and down her???

FUNMI: (stroking him all over) awwww! Look at my baby! Missed momma? Awwww! I’ll come take you with me soon.

NKECHI: (Hits the dog very hard) come on get back inside you Yoruba dog!

(The dog ran back in and continued to bark in excitement inside)

FUNMI: you abuse human beings and also defenceless animals, You are a coward!
I’m not leaving my dog with you, I’m coming to take him next week!
So what next have you got to release on me? A snake?

NKECHI: no! A slap, if you don’t leave this house now.

FUNMI: Hehehe! If you dare raise your tiny ugly hands on me, I’ll drop my home training on the floor, beat you black, blue and mint, and pick it up again!
Don’t dare this Yoruba angel! Don’t.
Now, where is your brother!

NKECHI: why do you want to see him?

FUNMI: if you must know, I left my uni ID here and I’m back to Uni now, so i need it to gain entrance into the premesis!

NKECHI: Ebuka is holidaying in France with his girl, so you are going to have to come back some other time!

FUNMI: his girl? So Ebuka couldn’t even wait to legally divorce me before bringing in another woman into his house???

NKECHI: I know you think the world revolves around you, but my darling, it doesn’t! It revolves around the sun!
You were replaced while you were still here! I replaced you to teach you a lesson. Whenever and wherever you meet anyone called Nkechi? Bow down and worship her, she is your ancestor!

Under your nose, I got my brother an Igbo bride in whom he is now well pleased. Ebuka and Amara are happy together.
You’ll get their wedding invite soon; and the highest thing you can do about that is to hang yourself. I’ll give you a rope if you need me to.

FUNMI: what did you just say??? Amara?? Amara and Ebuka??? This must be a joke! Kechi, are you serious about this?

NKECHI: have I ever joked with you? She is ten times better than you will ever be!
Ebuka now enjoys the love, goodness, mercy and warmth of an Igbo woman!
He now looks forward to nights, if you know what I mean… ??

FUNMI: ???? God, does this mean you didn’t create any loyal and trustworthy person on earth! (Starts crying and ran out of the premesis)

(Funmi got home, packed all her belongings ready to leave, but she has no place to go and she is also low on funds. She thought of calling Calista to apologise to her but she didn’t pick up her phone. So she decided to call Zain)

ZAIN(?????) Hello…Hello.. why why are you crying? Oh no! What’s the matter?
Okay babe, calm down, take a deep breath…another one, and another one…alright, are you safe where you are?

FUNMI (amidst tears and with an unsteady voice) y-e-s??

ZAIN: perfect! Now, give me the exact address where you are and I’ll be there as fast as I can, alright?

FUNMI: number 12 Ibrahim Kashim Road Wuse2

ZAIN: excellent! See you in a bit. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I’m driving down?

FUNMI: no. I’ll be alright.

ZAIN: are you sure?

FUNMI: yes.

ZAIN: see you in a bit!

(Zain drove as fast as he could to Wuse2 and met Funmi in the living room floor crying her eyes out. He quickly went to her, helped her up to her feet and gave her a very long and warm hug until she stopped crying.
Funmi cried on him until her makeup stained his white shirt terribly)

FUNMI: sorry, I’ve just ruined your shirt.

ZAIN: stop talking about a piece of cotton and tell me what’s the problem. You were supposed to be in uni this morning..

FUNMI: yes. After I got ready, I realised my ID was left at my ex husband’s house, so i took a cab down there to get it as I didn’t want to pay another five thousand naira to get another one.
On getting there, I was told that he went to France with his girlfriend.

Read Previous: My Wife Part 2 Episode 8

ZAIN: that ain’t supposed to bother you?

FUNMI: yes. But guess who the girlfriend is?

ZAIN: someone you know? Babe, shiiis like this are the order of the day. Human beings are no longer loyal. If you need a loyal friend, get you a puppy!

See, nothing surprises me anymore. Not when I caught my girl pants down with my plumber in my own damn bedroom! Now, it doesn’t get any worse than that, does it!

FUNMI: the same lady I told you that owns this place. She has been the one supporting me both financially and emotionally since my marriage packed up and now this!??

ZAIN: danm!!! The same lady you described as an angel? Well, the devil was once an angel. Safe to say she is now an ex angel.

FUNMI: I just needed someone to talk to about what next to do. I’m done packing my belongings but I don’t know whether to leave now or wait until she returns.

ZAIN: now, you’ve got to be smart when dealing with human beings. If you leave her house before she comes back, she can turn around and accuse you of stealing her stuff and making away with them. It Will be her words against yours.
Let her come back, hand her keys over to her then we will get you a temporal place while looking for a house for you.

FUNMI: gosh! I can’t even face her!

ZAIN: unfortunately, the world is littered with hypocrites. We have to face them every day whether we like it or not. Now, get dressed let’s go somewhere as beautiful as you are!

FUNMI: let me put some makeup on

ZAIN: no you don’t have to. You look stunning without them. Moreover, we are going swimming anyway!


EBUKA: sitting right opposite you in the city of love is a dream come true! Today is the best day of my life.

AMARACHI: same here, babe.

EBUKA: so tell me, why did you never let me have sex with you back home.

AMARACHI: erm, with me, sex does not happen if my emotions are not hundred percent in it. There are a few factors that have been stopping me from having sex with you.

EBUKA: do you not find me sexually attractive?

AMARACHI: I do actually, but I feel it might be disrespectful to Nkechi to have sex with you under the same roof with her.

EBUKA: but that’s what Nkechi has been praying for! Remember that day at the pool?


EBUKA: she excused herself in the guise of going to get credit to call mum just so we can have some privacy


EBUKA: so, there is no Nkechi or anyone else here. So can I finally get to see beneath her beautiful garments after breakfast?

AMARACHI: sure! This is the best place in the world to have sex. Hahahah!

EBUKA: I’ve been dying for a day like this. I can’t wait baby! I’ve never been this starved all my life. Gosh!

AMARACHI: so why were you pretending that day when I wanted you as badly as I want you now?

EBUKA: I know I look like a play boy, but I’m actually a one man one woman kinda man.
I was still with that little dirty cheat then. I wish that day will repeat itself today.

AMARACHI: hehehehe! You want me to take the lead role, aye? Lazy boy!

EBUKA: I may be lazy everywhere else, but not in bed. Do you want to find out?


EBUKA: (turns his back to Amara) jump on!

(Amara jumped on Ebuka’s back and he carried her into their hotel room. Needless to describe how aroused Ebuka was at this point..
Well, he gently dropped her on the bed, and as he tried to undo her buttons, she stopped him)

AMARACHI: wait! Wait Ebuka! I want to ask you a question.

EBUKA: babe! What question again!

AMARACHI: did you ever have sex with that Yoruba girl?

EBUKA: who? Funmi?


EBUKA: what is the meaning of this question now! Of course I did!!! We were married for crickey’s sake!

AMARACHI: I can’t get it over my head.

EBUKA: but that was my past! That happened before I met you! Why do you have to punish me for something I did with someone I was married to!
Come on! This is silly

AMARACHI: (doing up her buttons) really? Is it?

EBUKA: are you listening to yourself at all? Don’t you have an ex?
Have you not had sex with another man before now?
Why are you being selfish!
I had sex with someone I was married to before I met you, so what!!!

AMARACHI: (??pours herself a glass of wine, takes a sip, winks at Ebuka, and walks out)

To be continued……

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